No.
Such a tiny word that often gets a pretty bad rap.
Webster defines the word as “A negative used to express dissent, denial, or refusal, as in response to a question or request.”
Currently when I think of the word no I immediately envision it as an involuntary response to my 4 year’s old request for cookies for breakfast or after her failed 100th attempt for us to watch “Frozen” every single day.
But with a definition like Webster’s it’s no wonder as to why the word seems like the equivalent of a “bad word”.
But I want to challenge the concept as to whether or not no deserves a sole negative undertone.
Let’s face it. There will always come a time where no is 100% necessary. In response to something completely unsafe or just asinine, then the word no obviously fits.
However outside of those moments why is it that when we say the word “No” some of us feel a slight twinge of guilt? Even when the denial is completely fair and logical why is it that sometimes we struggle with telling others no in order to tell ourselves “YES” of being free of that obligation.
Full disclosure I’ve been there and still go there. A people pleaser I often try too hard to be “every woman” even at the cost of my own time, energy, or well-being:
I allow conversations to last too long because I want to remain present and available.
As an empath, I feel way too much which sometimes clouds my judgment and allows me to commit to things too quickly.
At times I’m a giver to everyone else but myself. And occasionally it seems like the only person I am ok with saying no to is me.
Boundaries are your friend.
And over time though I’ve learned that it is completely acceptable to give yourself permission to place a boundary in the form of the word no without feeling guilty either professionally or personally.
The big N-O still seem a little too direct or harsh? Check out these 4 ways to take the pressure off.
1. Let Me Think on it.
Have you ever found yourself in a conversation and as you are being asked to do something the entire time they are talking in your head you’re thinking “Yeah..that’s a lot.”. You have all the intention in the world to help. But deep down you know you either don’t have the time or energy to provide help. Or if you are being honest maybe you just don’t have the desire to so which is your prerogative. But if you do at least take the time to consider what is being asked of you or to determine how exactly you can help, try “Let me think on it” first. By communicating you will consider doesn’t obligate you to the task. But it also doesn’t shut it down completely for the other person either. By taking a moment to consider you could potentially still assist in some capacity or maybe meet the request after all.
2. Find the “But”
Sometimes the word “No” just needs a “But”. You’ve been asked to do a few things and you honestly cannot check out all the boxes. But rather than do nothing you know that you can do something. For example, maybe you can’t host the party or event but you can provide help with the food or set up instead. Or maybe you cannot chair the entire project at work but rather can agree to co-chair or be a part of a designated committee.
3. “Not Now
Timing is everything. And sometimes the timing is just bad. So if you are being presented with a request you honestly don’t have the time for, then say that. Normalize owning your own time. So if you are being asked to do something that you do not have time for, don’t add it to your plate just because you don’t want to say no to it. Avoid making a habit of stretching yourself too thin. If the time isn’t right, then saying no may be best for all parties involved.
4. Be Assertive. Not Wishy-Washy
Don’t allow yourself to get so wrapped up in justifying why you need to say no that you totally forget what you are saying no to. If it can’t be done, then it can’t be done. So if it’s something you honestly cannot do, don’t straddle the fence here. Be both firm and genuine. It only becomes personal if you are not honest so be concise as to what you are refusing. No harm no foul and hopefully no hard feelings