Recently my husband and I were discussing work one night about the company he works for recent announcement that all employees would now have option to work from home the rest of the year in light school closings. He shared that the day after the announcement was made hardly any women remained in the building all whom took the work from home option leaving majority men left in the office.
For some reason that unnerved me a little. Not because of the flexibility that it offered to the employees to make the best and safest decision for their families which is great. But rather the amount of guilt that I know had to be swallowed with that decision to go home and be “both”.
Ideal and present employee. Ideal and present mom.
True story. I never even heard of the word “Mom Guilt” until I had it. As an expectant mother I envisioned the type of mom I wanted to be. I read all of the books, followed all the blogs, and though I knew things wouldn’t be perfect, I knew that if anything I was “prepared.”
But what I wasn’t prepared for the insecurity that comes with being a mom. And I especially wasn’t ready for the weight of mom guilt that a working mom carries.
Mom Guilt tricks us into thinking we as mothers are doing everything wrong.
If you choose to work outside of the home, you must not like being a mom. And if you choose to be a stay at home mom, then you must not like to work.
Or if you choose to breastfeed your kids, then you must have an issue with those that bottle feed. And you bottle feed, you were too lazy to breast feed.
For a world that is far from black and white, I struggle with the fact that all things surrounding motherhood have to be “either this or that”.
Society demands that women achieve both. Being a present mother and a present employee should be inherent. Exhaustion is to expected to be cured with morning coffee and lack of focus can be resolved by lunch.
In a post COVID-19 world, the expectation is business as usual even though the world is far from it. As if mom guilt before Coronavirus wasn’t bad enough.
But Mama I see you.
Sprinting through the aisles of Publix as if you are a contestant of the old tv show “Super Market Sweep” to grab items for dinner to cook in a few hours because you refuse to feel the guilt of pulling out of a drive-thru for 4th time this week.
Working Mama: I see you. Reluctantly pulling into the daycare/school car rider line picking up your child from school because homeschool isn’t an option for you. And you feel the guilt of not being able to be add “homeschool teacher” to the many other jobs you have because “Mama gotta work”
Working from home Mama: I see you too. Trying to get used to the idea of fitting your workplace in your home when you worked really hard to separate work from home. You can’t serve 2 masters so you know that something will eventually lack. You’ve even accepted the fact that Zoom and important calls will be interrupted and laundry will pile up too. But that doesn’t erase the guilt that comes with not being able to do and be this thing called “everything”.
No matter if you have an amazing support system (I’m blessed to have this) or a nonexistent one, the guilt remains; whether it’s buried deep or bubbling over.
SO TODAY WE SAY TO HELL WITH MOM GUILT.
I challenge every mother, expectant and future reading this to release the lie that is telling you are not enough.
I challenge each of us to let go of guilt, shame, anxiety, depression or any other spirit that does not uplift or encourage us.
You are everything. Even when the dishes aren’t done.
You are everything. Even you allowed your kid to have 4 hours of screen time.
You are still everything. Even if you hid in the bathroom and cried on the floor for the 3rd time this week.
You are enough on the days when you feel like you are killing it.
You are enough on the days when you feel like you aren’t.
You are enough even when nothing gets done.
You are everything and enough all wrapped into one.
XO💗
Kiara