Don’t Take it Personal: How Solitude can be a form of Self-care
I don’t know how it is at your household, but in mine I believe that my kids and husband have a sensor. Mommy is quiet and that means a few things:
- Somebody is trouble
- Can we have a snack?
- Can we have another snack?
- Let me ask her for a snack
- Where is my…? (Fill in the blank)
Throughout the day, questions regarding missing items, improv theatrical performances, meltdowns, and shadowing to the laundry room, kitchen, bathroom, etc occur often.
“Mommy..mommy..mommy.. “echoes through our home. I relate to Lois from Family Guy completely.
Now don’t get me wrong. For those that know me best, know I like to live my life out loud and in living color. I don’t mind noise.I enjoy the presence of others and am blessed to have a lively home filled with chaos, and laughter with healthy, happy children and spouse. I also know that in few years, I will trade noise for silence as our nest will one day become empty which breaks my heart.
But over the years, I’ve grown to appreciate random quiet moments.
- Quiet sips of coffee while everyone in house is still sleeping on a cold winter day
- Strolls through Target or Homegoods uninterrupted without a list of things but vibes only (slightly dangerous)
- Silent car rides that you didn’t even notice until you are miles away from school drop-off
The sound of silence can become bliss when it is rarity.
The Balance between Sound and Silence
Recently, I’ve learned a lot about duality and how 2 things can co-exist:
- You can be extroverted but have introverted tendencies
- You enjoy text but not want to talk
- You can enjoy talking on the phone, FaceTime and still exercise the Do Not Disturb function
- You can be social and anti in the same day or week.
These things are only personal to those that need it and not to those close to us. Knowing when and how often to take solitude can be one of the best forms of self-care.
For me, I’ve learned to take some quiet time when I begin to feel like I have a lot of mental tabs open. You know how it is when you haven’t closed apps awhile in your iPhone? You ever go back and look and say “Why is this still open from 2 weeks ago”? Or is that only me?
Taking space for yourself means granting yourself permission for what you need. And a little alone time never hurt anyone.
So when you having one of those days where you want to be all alone, try a few of these ideas as a form self-care.
Unplug
Whether that is in a form of disconnection through phone, email, social media, take advantage of time to truly unplug. Silence your notifications for both work and personal during a time that you have designated where you are taking some time for yourself. Recently I took extended PTO during the holidays and I was so proud of myself for remaining present and ignoring the urge to see what email was waiting on me when I returned. Spoiler alert: the building didn’t burn, people figured it out, and life continued on. And everything that was waiting on me, managed to wait patiently until I got back. And everyone lived happily ever after. You can unplug and the world can remain plugged in.
Invest in a Individual Hobby
Is there a new hobby you’ve been thinking about trying but have found every excuse not to pursue it? Do you have something that only you do that doesn’t involve anyone else? For me, that’s yoga on Sundays. I really got into yoga after I had our son and it is by far the one hobby that truly centers me both physically and mentally. But it came to be because I made the discovery after having our 2nd child that outside of being a wife and mother (which aren’t exactly hobbies), that I had none. There was not one thing in my life that was just for me. In full transparency soon after, I began to realize and empathize on how difficult it can be for those around someone who has zero individual interests. So what is it that you can invest in trying? Take this as your sign to sign up for it today!
Take a Solo Date
I’m going to be honest. Until maybe a year or 2 ago, I was one of those that would absolutely die if I had to eat alone. Eating can be an event so to picture myself at a restaurant and saying “One” when asked “How many” at a host stand, I just couldn’t do it. But when I took on a new role that requires me to travel quite a bit, I began to inherit some solo dining moments. One night, I decided to resist the urge to just order DoorDash to my room in a new city and just enjoy a meal, alone. 10/10 recommend. I don’t know if it was because I was starving, bored, or the service but the dining experience was so pleasant. Taking time to enjoy my meal, sip wine, and people watch in silence wasn’t as bad as I had built in my head. Now nothing compares to dining with my husband who lets me eat off his plate and will order my 2nd option when I’m being indecisive (he’s not a picky eater and our taste buds are usually aligned). But if I gotta go at it alone, I’ve learned it’s not that bad. Now I have not graduated to movies alone but I’m willing to do that too! But if you are traveling solo or just have something new you want to see (museum, show/movie, landmark, restaurant, etc), consider being a party of one.
Alone time can be a good time. Take some moments just for you. There is no one more deserving.